Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Today the Ugly Battle Begins

Proverbs 21:31 The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD.

Well, the day is here!  Armed with my basket full of items for every side effect listed in the paperwork, I prepare to meet the dreaded "Terminator", Chemo!!!  I almost called the chemo the battle, but it really isn't is it?  It is a defensive weapon, an ugly one, but one never the less.  I am so thankful that the spiritual defensive weapon the Lord gave me brings peace to me at this time.  There are times in my life when my Bible hasn't brought me peace.  It is like a two edged sword and cuts to the very heart of an issue in my life.  I have to face this chemo much as I face the word of God.  I don't always like the side effects, but I sure like the outcome!  Cancer is my physical battle and even if I am not cured and this dreaded disease takes my life as it did my Mom and my Aunt Jeannie, I know that ultimately I have won!  Heaven is my home and that spiritual battle was already fought and won by the Lord Jesus Christ!

I spoke with my previous pastor's wife yesterday.  She told me that her favorite name for the Lord is "Emmanuel" - God with us.  I had experienced this very part of the Lord the day before in a special way:

Monday I had a heart function test (it works great) and then saw my doctor one last time before chemo. Before that day I had been so apprehensive. As I mentioned in the previous post, I have that great stone of fear to roll away.  Mainly fear of the nausea and vomiting from chemo. I took care of my mom while she had lung cancer and I remember the 'sick' part of the chemo process.  VERY different from any flu or food poisoning you might have had.  So I have been talking to the doctor about everything I have read about medications for nausea and after our appointment last week, I wasn’t sure he really understood. Monday when I went in, there in English was a typed out paper with all the meds he will be using and he found that the hospital just started using the number one nausea drug for chemo, Emend!!!! I left the office almost excited for chemo, ALMOST!!! When I got home, Christa had made this wonderful cranberry baked chicken for dinner. Then around 7 pm the mailman knocked on the door with a package. It was a "Pink Package" from our very dear friends the Noonans and their church in Rochester, Minnesota.  Christa and I had soooooooooo much fun opening it and looking at everything! My favorite items were the pink wash cloths!!!!! And the pink tic tacs! I am going to wear the pink heart socks that were in the box for my chemo today.  By the end of the day, I felt like the Lord had picked me up and set me in His lap and stroked my head soothing my spirit and soul!  He was with me on that day in a special way and I know He is with me today.

I am still nervous about this chemo thing.  Last night Randy asked me what time I wanted to head to the hospital.  My appointment is at 9 am.  He wanted to be sure to leave when I wanted as I am an early bird and must be 15 minutes early for every appointment even though we usually wait for two hours!  I told him we could leave around 11 am.  He just smiled at me and asked, "Oh you want to arrive late?"  My gig was up.  He knew where I was going with that statment and he reminded me of all the reasons why I must go on.  Mainly on my doctor's recommendation it lists all the treatment choices and next to the word "none" - it says "NOT recommended".  Oh well.  Guess I will.

Along this journey, I will be taking pictures.  My mother actually helped me to make this decision.  Years ago when my mother started her cancer battle she requested no pictures.  I regret this every day.  We have memories of our last birthdays and holidays, but no pictures.  Time and age weather those memories and I would give anything to have a picture of my mom sitting on the couch, propped up by pillows, sipping coffee and watching with her happy smile as we open our very special Christmas gifts from her.  My journey will be complete with pictures!  So here are a few from the other day with our students!  I will probably post more tomorrow.

Well, off to dress!  Remember not to miss the journey for the destination and don't forget that the Lord will be us, if we let Him.


Nina in Portugal said...

Praying for you Mrs. Kelly!

Susan said...

I'm a new reader, an independent Baptist missionary/pastor's wife in Vancouver, Canada. I found your blog through Hope's blog, and as a result, I've added you to my prayer list. I so admire your determination not to miss the journey! You've spoken to my heart today, and I am praying for God's will most of all, but that He will allow you many more years of service for Him.

By the way, I can connect with the fear of the nausea and vomiting! LOL I've often told my husband that I wouldn't be as afraid of cancer as I would be of the effects of chemo! ;) That is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but I was so in agreement with you up there!

HOPE said...

A wonderful post Kelly and a tribute to your mom and Aunt.

Praise GOD as you said..the battles are ALL won in Jesus Christ@

What glorious hope we have and what great promises we can claim!

You brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart.

I love how you used the two edged sword as an example. So very true...

Proverbs 21:31 has always been a favorite verse of mine when fear comes...

The LORD knew to put us together at this time..you are such an encouragement to me and such a precious friend. I love you Kelly!


Nancy M. said...

What wonderful words of this journey
you are starting...And with Emmanuel
with you each step of the way...
I pray for you. Your on my heart.
I pray for Hope. I am so happy you
got a package from the Noonans (what a blessing they are). I love the Pink" things to wear. Many of my friends here are praying for you also....
love, nancy

Deborah said...

Hi Kelly, I just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you.

Keith and Julie Loveless said...

I was sixteen when my Mom was diagnosed with luekemia. The doctors, said she would be lucky to live two years. At the time they didn't treat people over 40 for this type of cancer. A few months later they raised the age of treatment to 50. Everything went opposite to what the doctors expected. All around her people without the Lord gave up the fight even though things were going "well" with them. Mom said her goal was to see my oldest sister married (she was engaged at the time) then her next goal was a grandchild. Now she has all three of us girls married and eight grandkids! With the Lord's help and contrary to the Doctors' oppinions, Mom is still serving the Lord on this earth along side my Dad after seventeen years. I'm encouarged to see your resolve to fight this with the Lord's help. It will be the greatest gift you can give your daughter, to know that God IS with her and no matter what happens, we are not alone. Enerytime I face a trial, I know that I've "inherited" Mom's God and I pray that I've inherited her fight. God bless you and your family today. I've already said a prayer for you all today.

Kristi said...

Kelly, I followed you here from Tori's blog.

What a sweet and wonderful testimony you are already being to me!!

And what a wonderful and thoughtful package your friends sent to you.

I'll be sure to check your updates and say prayers with you and for you along the way.