Well, what would a journey be without a few bends in the road? At my last appointment, the doctor told me that he feels we need to change my next chemo drug to one more aggressive. He told me that he had been doing some research and that "When" this recurs, we will not be able to use this strong of a drug so we need to hit my cancer hard the first time. For the first time in this battle, I cried in the doctor's office. I have read this effects of this next chemo and I had already been praising the Lord that my doctor chose something different. I rejoiced too soon. We do really appreciate my doctor's diligence in dealing with my cancer. He is a great listener and has alwasy kept reading about how to give me the best treatment plan for my situation. I know the Lord sent us to the right place. He has decided to wait until August to do the scan.
My silence on my blog has been due to the extreme fatigue and depression brought on from my last chemo session. Much of it is due to exhaustion and medication. My eyes bother me so much now that reading my Bible or anythng for that matter, is very difficult. Praise the Lord for modern technology!! I have an audio Bible on my iphone and it keeps track of daily "reading" as I listen to His word! What a tremendous blessing this is to me. I wake many times around 4 am and have many wonderful talks and prayer times with the Lord. There are so many times when I just don't want to take one more pill or drink any more water, but I do because He gives me the strength. The best explanation of my relationship with the Lord right now is illustrated through that well known and sometimes misused poem "Footprints":
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me? "
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you. "
The only explanation for me enduring this battle is that the Lord IS carrying me. I know this, I feel this, and I am most greatful for this! Thank you, Lord!
I want to give a special thank you to Rochester Baptist Church. They are so thoughtful! I received another "pink" package recently! It is so much fun to have the mailman knock on our door! I love you ladies and appreciate all that you do for me.
Victory Baptist Church in Missouri also sent me a wonderful package! You ladies are great!
I also want to thank my two very caring "Chemo Angels". This is a program where two people volunteer to write you, and some even send packages, during your six month chemotherapy. I heard about this program and found it online. It is usually for people in the US. I applied for it and was accepted. I didn't expect much as I live so far away. However, my "angels" write to me often and I have received numerous little goodies from them. Tereasa and Erin, you don't know me, but you have reached out to me expecting nothing in return! I appreciate and pray for both of you. Thank you!
One of the things about cancer is that after a while people just get weary of your battle and life goes on. Cancer can be exhausting for everyone involved, not just the patient. My dear friend "Hope" has remained close and there for me. She is fighting her own battle with breast cancer and is in the middle of radiation, yet she still finds time to keep up with me and send me little bits of encouragement. This week I received a beautiful package full of things to remind me of the Lord's goodness to me. Hope, you are a true friend. We may have never me, butI love you and pray for you everyday.